hey you! yes you.. if you just came here to check how am i doing.. then i must say.. you are a friend who dont genuinely care for me. .hahahaha.. no offence.. cause i like to think, that the people who cares for me and stays close to me thick or thin.. well, they dont visit my blog, cause they DONT NEED TOOOOOOO!! weeee!
*winks*.. this is said on my friend's blog.. but there is some truth in it.. im a sucky friend........haih.....
i know i should be studying.. but.. garrh.. i guess things haven't been going to what i wanted eh..
and yes, i finally borrowed.. after trying to hang on myself.. for so long.. now i finally asked for it.. what better day it was than an important day of someone important..
i'm just glad that i have something...
anyway.. a lot of work.. and thinking.. to be honest.. i'm not sure the path i'm taking is the right 1.. ah well.. just go on with what i can i guess..
i know i said i would want a lot things which require a lot of money...
and somehow.. i believe and feel that i can get exactly the amount i need for all that.. and then, it will happen such a way that i would be given a choice.. again.. to be selfish or not to...
i guess this time.. i am not the same boy as last time?.......
so what my choice will be?
anyway.. i finalized my ticket to home.. hope nothing goes wrong and i pass and do well for my exams..
so i can reach home.. and sleep on the floor again.. with my blanket.. missing it..
so i guess i can push as much as i can..
soon, i would have nothing to lose.. but everything to gain for right?
garrh.. i really could use someone or something to keep me sane... to slap and shut the dumb thoughts in my head.. and to focus!!
owh well, im not all that lucky or blessed eh..
good things come in time....
and i trust god..
found actually a good verse on the bible(and no.. im not a christian, but reading the bible is not a bad thing..lols.. i believe and love my own religion)
its on proverbs 4:18
But the path of the just is as the shining light, that shineth more and more unto the perfect day.
yeap.. i guess that's the way to do it... as long i stick to my principles and belief.. eventually i walk the right way..^^
Monday, May 30, 2011
Sunday, May 15, 2011
~maju dan terus maju~
Well, there are somethings i wanted to tell a person so much.. but somehow.. i'm really unable to do so.. guess for now, i can pour it out here..
well, i attended a recent talk by a specialist.. which changed a lot of my thoughts..
he said.." every doctor has their own little secret graveyard, at their backyard, how many are you gonna dig up"..
he said this because of the attitude.. how many are you going to kill, because of your mistakes? your competence? your ego?
and how are you going to take it?
he meant by.. to remind us.. that we are still human.. we make mistakes.. that's fine..
but how many of the mistakes can we prevent if we studied harder? paid close attention?
he said.. i maybe a specialist..an accomplished one.. but i do have my graveyard.. and every hole i dug. reminded me, how much i should have changed for the better..
everything is key..
and he told a story.. when he was a houseman.. when he encountered the 1st death.. he said.. he knew the patient had just a number of weeks left.. but he was glad that he made a bond with the patient..
a bond.. that he was more than a doctor.. but was also a friend.. who helped and eased..
how? ... listen.. there are many things about listening..
he said the patient told him his life stories.. the mistakes the patient did..
that he ended up on his death bed.. all alone.. had no 1.. no wife no family..
not even good friends.. felt miserable.. for what the patient had done, when he felt he was immortal..
he regretted every word he said to his loved 1s.. hurt them much.. and now, he is on his bed.. just wishing how much he can meet up, with his family to say that he is sorry.. and that they are precious to him..
how much that shook the doctor.. who listened.. he knew if he kept his ego, and the false pride he owned being someone that can really change someones life.. he would end up all alone 1 day.. though he may get his riches.. and wealth.. but that doesn't follow you to the grave does it? all the more, just your dear 1s would follow you to pay respects there.. and remember you as a man who lived..
somehow, he realized then and there..
that he wasn't someone..
who just treat people with drugs or some methods..
but he was there to heal..
healing the soul..
giving comfort to the person who knows his destiny is to die..
that you know you don't have enough time to do what you needed.. and wasted a lot of opportunities when it came..
saying that there will always be a next time or a tomorrow..
a roughly 6 weeks later the patient died.. and left a letter for the doctor..
said thank you for listening my stories..
i feel much relieved that i was able to tell my life to someone..
and i hope you be a very very good doctor and a friend..
and the specialist said..
that changed my life..
a lot..
i didn't become afraid.. to tackle hard cases..
and neither to give up on a patient..
no.. i don't treat them as a patient..
but as a fellow human, a friend who needs in care.. and healing..
in which i'm good at..*winks*
so be confident in yourself..
if you feel disheartened.. and not sure what you doing.. and how to go..
then go straight on! cause thats the only way.. *grins*
see your steps.. watch them grow even more confident in every stride..
and you find your purpose in this world...
and of course.. never walk alone.. haha.. you might just go astray without not knowing it..
walk together.. so there is someone to remind you.. who you are.. and which path you should be going..
find that someone.. that changes you, everytime, and gets the best out of you..
garrh... and so mahes, take confident strides to what you can become..
OUTDO YOUR POTENTIAL menon!! hahaha!
and never hesitate to care for someone.. who knows you never get that opportunity again..
up up and awaaaaaaaaay!^^
how
well, i attended a recent talk by a specialist.. which changed a lot of my thoughts..
he said.." every doctor has their own little secret graveyard, at their backyard, how many are you gonna dig up"..
he said this because of the attitude.. how many are you going to kill, because of your mistakes? your competence? your ego?
and how are you going to take it?
he meant by.. to remind us.. that we are still human.. we make mistakes.. that's fine..
but how many of the mistakes can we prevent if we studied harder? paid close attention?
he said.. i maybe a specialist..an accomplished one.. but i do have my graveyard.. and every hole i dug. reminded me, how much i should have changed for the better..
everything is key..
and he told a story.. when he was a houseman.. when he encountered the 1st death.. he said.. he knew the patient had just a number of weeks left.. but he was glad that he made a bond with the patient..
a bond.. that he was more than a doctor.. but was also a friend.. who helped and eased..
how? ... listen.. there are many things about listening..
he said the patient told him his life stories.. the mistakes the patient did..
that he ended up on his death bed.. all alone.. had no 1.. no wife no family..
not even good friends.. felt miserable.. for what the patient had done, when he felt he was immortal..
he regretted every word he said to his loved 1s.. hurt them much.. and now, he is on his bed.. just wishing how much he can meet up, with his family to say that he is sorry.. and that they are precious to him..
how much that shook the doctor.. who listened.. he knew if he kept his ego, and the false pride he owned being someone that can really change someones life.. he would end up all alone 1 day.. though he may get his riches.. and wealth.. but that doesn't follow you to the grave does it? all the more, just your dear 1s would follow you to pay respects there.. and remember you as a man who lived..
somehow, he realized then and there..
that he wasn't someone..
who just treat people with drugs or some methods..
but he was there to heal..
healing the soul..
giving comfort to the person who knows his destiny is to die..
that you know you don't have enough time to do what you needed.. and wasted a lot of opportunities when it came..
saying that there will always be a next time or a tomorrow..
a roughly 6 weeks later the patient died.. and left a letter for the doctor..
said thank you for listening my stories..
i feel much relieved that i was able to tell my life to someone..
and i hope you be a very very good doctor and a friend..
and the specialist said..
that changed my life..
a lot..
i didn't become afraid.. to tackle hard cases..
and neither to give up on a patient..
no.. i don't treat them as a patient..
but as a fellow human, a friend who needs in care.. and healing..
in which i'm good at..*winks*
so be confident in yourself..
if you feel disheartened.. and not sure what you doing.. and how to go..
then go straight on! cause thats the only way.. *grins*
see your steps.. watch them grow even more confident in every stride..
and you find your purpose in this world...
and of course.. never walk alone.. haha.. you might just go astray without not knowing it..
walk together.. so there is someone to remind you.. who you are.. and which path you should be going..
find that someone.. that changes you, everytime, and gets the best out of you..
garrh... and so mahes, take confident strides to what you can become..
OUTDO YOUR POTENTIAL menon!! hahaha!
and never hesitate to care for someone.. who knows you never get that opportunity again..
up up and awaaaaaaaaay!^^
how
Saturday, May 14, 2011
~friday the 13th~
i can't help it.. gotta write something though its saturday the 14th now..*shrieks*.. but, yeah.. i guess i should write something when i have the chance though its not what i should be doing now.. because i have super damn loads to do now.. like bloooday damn loads.. not to say my studies been dropping.. i really gotta push myself... like really push push..
mood wise, i guess, im not in the best of mood lately.. groupmates, roomates.. garrrhh.. perhaps im too over sensitive.. i don't know.. my patience.. and my chill aura.. is like gone.. i get erm.. like really annoyed with a lot people lately.. maybe i have too much time to think of the unnecessary? can i change that much?? or is that im still normal, but the way they are, are just beyond tolerable.. i don't know. and i dont plan to indulge further so.. i guess i plan to just letting it go.
well, to be very honest im actually waking up in fear.. everyday.. for the last few days.. i watched a horror movie, in a dark room.. which was not mind.. and there was like many teddy bears around.. creeeepppppeeeh!!!!!!!! bloooday insidious and the rite.. but to be honest, kinda feel good to be scared.. hahahahaha.. can wake up early..lols.
anyway... im actualy baffled.. in how much i should find to survive this summer.. i mean seriously..
get new laptop, if not worth fixing.. rm6k?
attachment rm3k
lense 800
stationaries and bags.. 200
new clothes 500
perhaps a new phone? rm2k
go all over wherever i can in malaysia while im home and havinbg fun. rm2k
a new watch? rm20 pasar malam baby!
and perhaps, save up for europe trip? rm4k..
so all about 20k... hahaha.. it seems so farfetched huh..
im not even working.. nor having any sort of income..
just a really poor student..
but hor.. the list has more wants than needs.. owh wells.. im such a glutton..
but somehow.. i have a super strong feeling.. by the time of the next friday 13th. of next year.. i will get most of it done.. hahaha.. i have faith in the dude high up in the heavens.. HE guides me! so yeah! i have faith.. and i put my good fight!
If i can't get it done, means its impossible to do..
as long there is a possibility, i will strive till all my blood and FATS dry up.. haha!^^
my handphone been quiet......
and need to call mum.... so mahes stop buying a lot of chocolate! wasting wasting!
next weeks forecast..
pirazhkov, tezikov, pancreatova, ineekeeva, bondarchuk(bondarCHOKE)..
though i feel i am really unprepared for anything, but i have to push for something..
a lot shed for this opportunity.. so i can't let it go.. *repeats the song lose yourself*
mmm.. wanna go play guitar for a while.. ^^
mood wise, i guess, im not in the best of mood lately.. groupmates, roomates.. garrrhh.. perhaps im too over sensitive.. i don't know.. my patience.. and my chill aura.. is like gone.. i get erm.. like really annoyed with a lot people lately.. maybe i have too much time to think of the unnecessary? can i change that much?? or is that im still normal, but the way they are, are just beyond tolerable.. i don't know. and i dont plan to indulge further so.. i guess i plan to just letting it go.
well, to be very honest im actually waking up in fear.. everyday.. for the last few days.. i watched a horror movie, in a dark room.. which was not mind.. and there was like many teddy bears around.. creeeepppppeeeh!!!!!!!! bloooday insidious and the rite.. but to be honest, kinda feel good to be scared.. hahahahaha.. can wake up early..lols.
anyway... im actualy baffled.. in how much i should find to survive this summer.. i mean seriously..
get new laptop, if not worth fixing.. rm6k?
attachment rm3k
lense 800
stationaries and bags.. 200
new clothes 500
perhaps a new phone? rm2k
go all over wherever i can in malaysia while im home and havinbg fun. rm2k
a new watch? rm20 pasar malam baby!
and perhaps, save up for europe trip? rm4k..
so all about 20k... hahaha.. it seems so farfetched huh..
im not even working.. nor having any sort of income..
just a really poor student..
but hor.. the list has more wants than needs.. owh wells.. im such a glutton..
but somehow.. i have a super strong feeling.. by the time of the next friday 13th. of next year.. i will get most of it done.. hahaha.. i have faith in the dude high up in the heavens.. HE guides me! so yeah! i have faith.. and i put my good fight!
If i can't get it done, means its impossible to do..
as long there is a possibility, i will strive till all my blood and FATS dry up.. haha!^^
my handphone been quiet......
and need to call mum.... so mahes stop buying a lot of chocolate! wasting wasting!
next weeks forecast..
pirazhkov, tezikov, pancreatova, ineekeeva, bondarchuk(bondarCHOKE)..
though i feel i am really unprepared for anything, but i have to push for something..
a lot shed for this opportunity.. so i can't let it go.. *repeats the song lose yourself*
mmm.. wanna go play guitar for a while.. ^^
Wednesday, May 4, 2011
~creme' de la creme'~
weeee! arsenal beats man u! sarcamento stays! and i get to go out! and i get to see The Rock as well.. now if thats not good stuff all weeek.. then what is...
hahaa.. come to think of it.. i dont whine much.. lols.. not many people knows whats going on.. those who know, they feel sorry.. though i don't like that feeling that people feels sorry for me..
and yeah, though i sometimes badmouth god, but erm..i gotta say, im here and alive and well as i can ever be thanks to him.. he blessed me so much and countless times i think this little hardship is nothing if he were to ignore me..
and well, fate has striking my butt lately.. i hope she is 'hot' though.. hahaha.. but somehow, you cant stay down too long right? some how some day, you do have to rise up..
and yeah, going to the dacha was fantastic... i could finally take pictures.. and edit it by borrowing laptops..(haha.. kinda sleeepy actually.... nightime editting)..
and yeah.. i could really use my old comp.. god i miss it.. it has everything for me.. like my fav songs.. pictures.. or some jokes or sitcom whenever i neeeded.. not to forget.. my super ebooks collection and masked rider craps.. garrrrhhh..
and yeah... this summer perhaps i may get to do it.. i may not.. whatever it is.. i give my best shot for it.. i think the best path will come when the time comes, till then, i work what i can do..
i kinda booked a date for my return ticket.. its on... XX.. i hope to spend some time with people i really want to spend with...
well,some good stuff actually happened.. and im so hyped up.. i guess i should really use this time to do academic stuff.. or im gonna suffer later.. pfffftttsss..
and i have a huge craving for apple pies...
hahaa.. come to think of it.. i dont whine much.. lols.. not many people knows whats going on.. those who know, they feel sorry.. though i don't like that feeling that people feels sorry for me..
and yeah, though i sometimes badmouth god, but erm..i gotta say, im here and alive and well as i can ever be thanks to him.. he blessed me so much and countless times i think this little hardship is nothing if he were to ignore me..
and well, fate has striking my butt lately.. i hope she is 'hot' though.. hahaha.. but somehow, you cant stay down too long right? some how some day, you do have to rise up..
and yeah, going to the dacha was fantastic... i could finally take pictures.. and edit it by borrowing laptops..(haha.. kinda sleeepy actually.... nightime editting)..
and yeah.. i could really use my old comp.. god i miss it.. it has everything for me.. like my fav songs.. pictures.. or some jokes or sitcom whenever i neeeded.. not to forget.. my super ebooks collection and masked rider craps.. garrrrhhh..
and yeah... this summer perhaps i may get to do it.. i may not.. whatever it is.. i give my best shot for it.. i think the best path will come when the time comes, till then, i work what i can do..
i kinda booked a date for my return ticket.. its on... XX.. i hope to spend some time with people i really want to spend with...
well,some good stuff actually happened.. and im so hyped up.. i guess i should really use this time to do academic stuff.. or im gonna suffer later.. pfffftttsss..
and i have a huge craving for apple pies...
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