Moon

Glorious times to write once again. funny thing is that it's been sometimes since i felt like writing. i know my writings are quite weird and not reader friendly. owh wells. i never try to polish my words or something. i guess thats my fault.

on the good note, i'm ending the 4th year with a few more classes and 2 more exams, before i'm bound for my well-deserved summer break(one can argue whether its well deserved), anyways, yeap everything is coming to and end, will be starting 5th year in a couple of months, before the long stretch in the final year, before i call myself, Menon.MD, haha!=))

well, this year must be a year of revelations, there were periods i'm very proud of, and definitely periods i could say, catastrophic, yes i did lost a great deal compared to what i have achieved, it might look that i lost a little too much, but then again, i think i redeemed myself. and that's important. my goals, my views, my feelings, my ideas, my ideals, haven't been reinforced in years. i feel i know what i should be doing, and just needto find the right ways to do it.

a couple of months ago, dad, said a lot of things.. to shorten it, he said, like the reigns of my life, is given to me, i am to ride it as i please, no one is going to say anything now, basically he is acknowledging me that i could do what i want.. funny thing, a few months later, i called him and told him that i needed guidance still.. i'm still far from what you want to say ready for life. hahaha. i'm no where ready. i'm better than last year but i still feel still much to learn, still needs a bit more seasoning, if you want the broth to really be good. so yeah. it's better i learn like this.

in terms of friendship, i guess i learnt a lot of things, but i am not wronged or ridden with guilt in my decisions, and the person did ask why i am so different than what i was told.. i am the same person, my loyalty is still there for those who are loyal to me, once you when overboard with disrespectfulness, and i felt really uncomfortable with it, i did try to talk to you but you were just being difficult about it. so yeah, my wrong or your wrong , it doesnt matter, what matters i dont feel like thrash anymore, sue me if i dont feel good when i talk to you. but i'm not gonna put up with that, and hang around, it's doing me no good. so anyways life goes on. i learnt who are my friends and family, and just maintain with that. and i am grateful, honestly, because there are many whom i can call as friends=)))

anyways, in terms of studies, i am a bit dissapointed, i guess i didn't work as hard enough as i hoped, a little too much distractions and all sorts. was it worth it? i don't know, but hey it's not too late, i can and will have to work harder now to compensate and to get myself better, i am not going to give up, and to start i need to start soon. curb my vices, be more diciplined, and more better. time to man up!

these last few years i'm calling them, the "crunch" years, this is what i am gonna be when i graduate and work, and turn out to be. so yeah. i have to be something and do something. i need to be master of my ship, and captain of my soul=)))

~Shadows~

i really tried to see positivity of my days.. but as times goes, the negativity keeps up.. and today, i really broke to bits.. and i don't know who to talk out too.. i felt robbed.. robbed of happiness that i always thought 1 day i could get.. is it so much i ask for? have i sinned so much to you that i deserve such a great test of faith? i'm coming to closer to place where i think i have to forgo myself..just to breathe..

it came to a point,i can't write much anymore.. or say anything.. it hurts a lot... i guess i always deserve such an ending... it just hurts so much..