~creams & dreams~

had so many new experiences the past few weeks, gave my 1st lecture(more like a discussion) but yeah. shared my knowledge to the juniors. i know its not much, but i'm really passionate in sharing what i know to everyone.=)))

meanwhile, things are been iling up, and i am starting to feel the heat, yes i am tired, but somewhat satisfied when i go to sleep each day that i have done some useful things in the morning. i guess it's safe to say, i am feeling happy

but in anycase, badminton training has been well, i do realise that i am not one of the main players anymore, and i need to embrace other aspects of the game like coaching and also helping out team mates.. and i hope nothing major happens this year. and i could really enjoy my trip in nizhny

i feel more and more towards being a doctor soon. i do realise there is more time to go, and i should buck up and work harder, to be where i want to be, sometimes i know i'm short of inspirations but recently i am glad that whenever i come home, there are people who cheers me on, and thats enough of a motivation to keep doing my best. a good sense of comfort to take away the fatigue

times have gone, and everything is looking to be in peace. surrounded by good people and good friends, felt of appreciated and loved. yeah! awesomeness! i guess i grew quite a bit more since the last time around. and i am glad.=))

~Shake&Bake~

i'm really glad where stand now. perhaps i'm not doing much compared with others, but at least i'm doing something. saturdays filled with days i teach, sundays and tuesdays with badminton, and fridays with movie nights, and all sorts of other things to get done. funny thing is how time passes, at times it goes swiftly and quickly, but then again, it can go really slow, but actually i think we do have some sort of control on the pace we are heading with. either steamrolling or just plain running with the flow carrying you.

i've seen some characters recently, that sometimes does get on my nerves, but then again, they don't.. but i have realised that i moved away from them because, i just don't want to be like them, or talk like them 1 day.. perhaps i would be alone, and wouldn't get some extra privileges and sorts, or gaining their respect. but i wouldn't be proud of myself if i did so.. mocking other students and looking down upon them, only being nice to those who are smart or popular.. i do my best to share, perhaps i don't gain as much as them, but what i know i did help others to gain as well, yes, you can argue that my parents paid my fees to get me to gain everything, but i know how my parents brought me up, and they would want me to help those in need, rather than seeing people having a hard time. after all they would say, we live for ourselves, but life is about others as well.=))

the games are coming soon, i had to let go something i really wanted to play after a long long time.. i actually erm. made training regimes for it, and made sure that i do follow them in a way.. and i feel that i was almost the same form i can remember, perhaps a little crappy, but then again. i was happy to play awesome again. but i know i have to let go, and to let go it is.. maybe next year, or a time will come=))

badminton again. i really hope nothing happens, i need to erm. control my aggression and hyped feelings. so that i dont go and snap anything again.=))

right now, i guess i can safely say, i'm quite happy.. except for the fact, my phone died. haha.. but lucky with mercy of a friend, he is willing to switch batteries with me all the time, to help me out, haha. sometimes i feel im always blessed=))and hopefully 1 day i will get that chance to share mine

in any case, sometimes i keep shouting"get them out of there" ala tennant. not sure why, i feel like. hahaha. imma the doctor!=)) really cant wait for the season to start, cause it will be awesome!!!!=))) ALONSY!=))

~Sploossh~

I think for the past few days i am becoming a tad more diciplined..*except for now* haha! should be studying but seems like i haven't wrote anything for sometime now.. good good dinner, imma indian dude cooking chinese food and sharing with my chinese neighbours*no part of that is racism implied*.. haha! anyways, yeah, thing started to settle down a lot, and funny thing is had an awkward chat with dad ,nevertheless i do miss him and mum much. am definitely looking forward to come home.=))

and now, to focus and focus! and keep pushing on! i'm rally happy for JEANNIE WONG* you so sexy*.. awww! this bestie laling of mine, received dean's list award in her 1st year at Boston Berkeleys! Omaigawd i'm so proud! hehe! treat you to movie again soon!, but yeah! isn't that awesome to see your dear friend being appreciated for being amazing like the way you know them!=)) i'm really excited! definitely will be saving up for your graduation!=))

and a few friends misunderstood me for having a gf now.. haha! errrmmmmm! really nobody since the last 1, but yes, i do admit i kind of interested with someone.. but whole new story there.. and yes, definitely will try to ask her out with you guys around=))bet all you guys will be jelly with me!but not really sure she can make it or agree to it..haha..~

so far in chessmaster i played to my rating undefeated, i'm always worried that i don't win games or finish games that i should win. and keep working on that. also im pretty sure, during in selection there are a ton of people with awesome abilities.. and i have no threats on them at all. just can do try my best with my favourite style and hope to have a fun game of wits.

time to continue working hard! and keep doing awesome and awesome work! i know i have a month time to study everything, and it is more than enough. so today is a good wake up call to remember and work for it. i can and want to be awzummmmm!=))

it's been sometime since i felt confident and motivated!=))

WOooooooHHooooo!=))

~Bound~

sometimes you think you know someone a lot, but sadly its not like how you think they are.. it all started, and then reached its peak when i refused a gift, so called i was being rude, because i said no, and crossed my fingers into a "X", the funny thing is, she wasn't a stranger or someone older, but someone whom i called friend, and then its should been very formal? i behaved like i did towards most of my friends, as on anydays, and she needed a different treatment? in any case, another person said, to ignore and not to talk anymore to her, saying its not worth for such people whom doesn't value friendship, but then i felt, maybe i should come clean, nevertheless, if i felt that she is hurt by that actions, then yeah i should apologise, even its not my wrong or my fault. so yes, i decided to come clean, why? cause i did appreciate the person to be a good friend of mine, like family, and what happens? with a reply saying, "glad that i think that way"... and she advising me, not to accidentally hurt? seriously???

she doens't understand how that reply, makes me feel? it made me feel like im feeding her ego and arrogrance, made me feel that for her to be right is much more important than the friendship? i mean, i had the mindset that its okay if i took the blame, to save the friendship, because to me, it doesn't matter that whoever its right, i just want my friendship to be strong, but for you, its important you to be right? and let go the friendship if not.. and that my friend, made me feel, you are not worth to be called a friend.. honestly, i feel i didn't make any mistakes to you. or anything. and there was no reason for me to apologise to you, but i was willing to go, stoop myself lower and say, hey, i'm sorry for rejecting your gift, and sorry to reject your kindness.. and you give me a nice egoistic reply?

you make me regret for apologising to you? seriously, its the 1st time i felt that. most of my normal friends would be, hey thats all right, forget it, and sorts. but you had to advice me? of all people you?? do you think you are that good and perfect as a person? really, your value just dropped a lot..

but nevertheless, you make me realise, that i am not losing a friend, really, if this is how you treat your friends and or if you even looked at me as a friend that way, i rather not be anyone near that to you. seriously, not knowing you would have been much better, i prefer friends who are sincerely and and well mannered, rather than someone whom i have to feed their ego just to maintain the friendship. you dissapointed me a lot..and do think back, in all those times you asked for help and assistance, for you for others, and even, when you found comfort from me, think again, how many times i asked you anything? you will always have this debt, and i hope you treat others better than how you treat me.. right now, i'm really glad that i know i didnt loose a great friend, but i managed to avoid someone whom can really hurt my feelings one day..

anyway, finally, i found someone who like tm revolution as well!! i know its lame, but really omaigawddddd!!!! how cool is that.. in any case, i find my mum to be very peculiar.. she asked me how's my chess going? im like whaaaaaat!? i told her the other day, i want to give it a try in the chess selections, and she was more worried about that than other things..anyhow, i really suck in chess, but not many people know, how much it changes my life and thinking, i have to say, i learnt that blooday game because of my bestest friend, i became better, because i had a "brother"...

i saw how much i grew in that period.. thanks to it. now i truly enjoy the game, win or lose, i know the purest of self of me is in there.=))