~bloody rose~

i went to physio class today... the moment i stepped at lubyanka to interchange to the purple line), smell of flowers stung my nose.. i saw a lot of people, walking with their hung heads, carrying flowers towards a small memorial in the middle of the station... the sight was just too solemn..

to make things worse, some of my friends were involved.. 1 of them was my room mate too.. its the 2nd day, i visited them,and brought some food for my room mate.. he will be discharged soon.. but still it was his last year here.. things just had to go wrong...

i still remember how much fear i felt that morning.. trying to contact both my room mates.. i saw them leaving earlier that day.. and right after the incidents.. i been trying to contact them, to no avail.. the government was hampering the lines, and the line were overloaded as well... finally i got through to david, who told me he is in the hospital at that time.. but couldnt contact andrew at all.. finally he showed up at the door, panting, due to walking for some time, as all mode of transport became difficult.. i thought the worse had happened to them..

we both then went to the hospital, it was one of our uni's hospital.. and it wasnt during the visiting hours.. we showed our student pass, and brought our white coats... and went in as medical staffs..

hopefully things would be normal after this..

~shaken all night long~

woohooo! ac/dc.. hahaha.. just heard this song again..

definitely going through it.. whatever happens. happens.. cant think too much or i cant sleep anymore..

last week, was pretty good week for me.. but then, some of the people i care, had a major blows in their lives.. just had a long chat with godwinna a few nights ago.. her dad past away due to lung cancer, and he wasnt a smoker nor had any bad habits.. well she is taking it well.. but then, knowing her..they used to tease me mummy's boy in college, and her as daddy's girl.. i know the lost is unbearable.. but will pray for her.. thats the least i can do besides consoling her the other day..

and another friend.. heartbroken.. somehow i was involved.. haha.. the guy comes to me..heartbroken.. after that the girl come to me, feeling guilty.. im their pillow i guess.. headache.. to makes things complicated, he has some value to her, and she rejects him.. haihs... its good to see they be together..

so here i am.. blessed with a sudden good fortune.. in which, im faced with a lot of sad conundrums of my dear 1s..

~boheimian~

strange... strange.. strange week..

flipped a coin.. heads.. taking this route.. and not looking back.....^^

~heart broken kid~

nope.. not shawn michaels.. haha.. but i do wish to perform sweet chin music to someone someday.. *ka pang*.. and the person on the floor.. haha..

well.. last week wasnt a real good one i guess.. took some things for granted and got screwed over for it.. heard some comments.. disappointed with certain people.. and with my self..

anyway.. in a bigger dilemma now.. no idea whether i should do it or not.. like really should do it or not.. well they say you cant have everything.. i hit a fork on a road.. which.. the things i want is on different paths..and i cant choose 1 over the another, because, i want them all.. and i cant give up on 1 thing.. and the weird thing, is that whichever path i choose.. there is a huge huge possibility.. im going to regret over it, cause it may not last or it cant be done..

should read the gita more.. make it as a routine.. seeking guidance..

i will do what i must..
*kapow!!!!* ( did the sweet chin music on fate).. ^^

~ka pow!!!!!~

hmmm.. stuck with a dilemma.... having a lot of choices.. not really sure.. which to take.. some is beneficial to me.. long and short term.. some is beneficial to others for a long term... anyway.. i should try save up 1st..

eeekkkss.. more bad news from home.. i must be praying wrongly.. but then.. this time.. is weird.. i took it... awfully good.. in fact.. made a joke out of it.. haha.. what to do... i cant go any more lower, can i?

preparations of the games is bad.. im still having the fat feeling... need to control my diet for now.. eat proper stuffs.. instead of fast foods.. should get back to shape.. need more intensive training.. i really dont know how to play badminton..

made a mistake in something.. such a bummer.. dumb dumb giler.. hopefully things dont be so cold... ^^

~cerita lama~

hmmm.. how do i put it.. saw an article.. hahaha.. it looked like something i wrote in my diary a long time ago... it felt the same.. just felt pretty amazed how much things had happen.. how much i have morphed.. how much time has past since that day..

wow.. i must say.. i am a big boy already.. hahaha. no more sniffling kid or any sorts..

nowadays.. im suiting up..flirtatious.. and casual.. well.. no idea what had happen..

when i see a pix of myself..2 years ago.. and now.. and compare.. i feel good. how much better i have become.. not to forget handsome.. but yes.. how much i have grown..

i so going to finish the race.. ^^

~requiem~

well, as lame as it sounds. just now, i just read most of the blogs i published in my personal blog.. it has hit more than 120 post so far, never knew there were so many, and my god are they long... the way i wrote it down, was so naive-like, but then full of grammatical mistakes..ah well.. i can't really write creative stuff anyway.. though i wish i can write somethings that can impact people's lives.. haha..

well, i saw a few funny yet memorable posts there.. one of them is when i missed the train with my housemate.. well, the train was due to 8.30pm, and the taxi driver came late to pick us up.. well, we raced to butterworth as soon as possible, only to find the train leaving.. we got back into the taxi, and headed straight to bukit mertajam.. hahaha.. the adrenaline rush i felt that time.. was just.. speechless.. we were chasing the train, we could see it from afar.. and we reached the station, just on time and boarded it.. seriously, it felt like i was in a cowboy movie or some sort..

and also, the daily posts before i left to moscow.. well, i must say, i really felt im leaving everything behind.. i was scared i will be replaced.. replaced as a friend, as a student, as companion.. as a son.. well, all of those happened.. my best friend found a replacement for me, said that i'm demoted..... my teacher's found a new favorite student.. the people around a replacement of my jokes and laughter.. and last summer, i realized my mum replaced me.. it was an incident, where my mum ignored my goodnight wishes, and wished my dog goodnight instead.. she said, "at least p.x(my creature's name) never leaves me".. hahaha.. she was being a little upset, of me not being home most the time.. sorry eh mum.. dont mean it that way.. well, all of my fears became reality... but lesson to be learned, is that, every second in the present, is something i should relish it now.. because perhaps someday, i might lose it i guess..

another is, my 1st date, im not sure its date, but it was an outing with a girl.. ate dinner, watched movie, i walked her to her apartment.. well, the weird thing is the way i wrote it.. like so gooey gooey in love like that.. hahah.. jiwang giler.. haha.. 1 outing with a girl at bight and im talking about the stars.. wait til i get married i will be talking about the universe.. lols..

anyway, what i want to stress is that.. how much change happened to me.. well, i think i changed pretty much.. owh well.. 5 years from now, when i read this back, i wonder what i can think and say about myself. haha..

a lot doesnt really know, but, i have this weird habit of writing in a way such that im writing a letter to myself. but i write them in my diary.. well, i cant wait to go home and read my oldest diary.. i bet its full of stories much i tried to get away from my mother's punishment...and also.. the death of certain people..anyway.. yeah.. i wanna read again.. im hitting 20.. just maybe a quarter of my life in total.. how the future to turn out? that is my guess...

quote: 2nd october 2008, i said, "i want to strive the best, be 120% ready.. so much in the world to look out for"

hehe! thats the plan!^^