~Bound~

sometimes you think you know someone a lot, but sadly its not like how you think they are.. it all started, and then reached its peak when i refused a gift, so called i was being rude, because i said no, and crossed my fingers into a "X", the funny thing is, she wasn't a stranger or someone older, but someone whom i called friend, and then its should been very formal? i behaved like i did towards most of my friends, as on anydays, and she needed a different treatment? in any case, another person said, to ignore and not to talk anymore to her, saying its not worth for such people whom doesn't value friendship, but then i felt, maybe i should come clean, nevertheless, if i felt that she is hurt by that actions, then yeah i should apologise, even its not my wrong or my fault. so yes, i decided to come clean, why? cause i did appreciate the person to be a good friend of mine, like family, and what happens? with a reply saying, "glad that i think that way"... and she advising me, not to accidentally hurt? seriously???

she doens't understand how that reply, makes me feel? it made me feel like im feeding her ego and arrogrance, made me feel that for her to be right is much more important than the friendship? i mean, i had the mindset that its okay if i took the blame, to save the friendship, because to me, it doesn't matter that whoever its right, i just want my friendship to be strong, but for you, its important you to be right? and let go the friendship if not.. and that my friend, made me feel, you are not worth to be called a friend.. honestly, i feel i didn't make any mistakes to you. or anything. and there was no reason for me to apologise to you, but i was willing to go, stoop myself lower and say, hey, i'm sorry for rejecting your gift, and sorry to reject your kindness.. and you give me a nice egoistic reply?

you make me regret for apologising to you? seriously, its the 1st time i felt that. most of my normal friends would be, hey thats all right, forget it, and sorts. but you had to advice me? of all people you?? do you think you are that good and perfect as a person? really, your value just dropped a lot..

but nevertheless, you make me realise, that i am not losing a friend, really, if this is how you treat your friends and or if you even looked at me as a friend that way, i rather not be anyone near that to you. seriously, not knowing you would have been much better, i prefer friends who are sincerely and and well mannered, rather than someone whom i have to feed their ego just to maintain the friendship. you dissapointed me a lot..and do think back, in all those times you asked for help and assistance, for you for others, and even, when you found comfort from me, think again, how many times i asked you anything? you will always have this debt, and i hope you treat others better than how you treat me.. right now, i'm really glad that i know i didnt loose a great friend, but i managed to avoid someone whom can really hurt my feelings one day..

anyway, finally, i found someone who like tm revolution as well!! i know its lame, but really omaigawddddd!!!! how cool is that.. in any case, i find my mum to be very peculiar.. she asked me how's my chess going? im like whaaaaaat!? i told her the other day, i want to give it a try in the chess selections, and she was more worried about that than other things..anyhow, i really suck in chess, but not many people know, how much it changes my life and thinking, i have to say, i learnt that blooday game because of my bestest friend, i became better, because i had a "brother"...

i saw how much i grew in that period.. thanks to it. now i truly enjoy the game, win or lose, i know the purest of self of me is in there.=))