~Partum~

Today, gonna update all the blogs i ever had.. i guess i have neglected writing, it's not like i write wel, but i guess its more in expressing myself out when i really can't, write down the words i can't really say out.. anyway, its been sometimes since the break, and to be honest, between me and you, this is going to be the last time i'm going to mention about it.. times past, and seriously i finally did understand why it feels so different being by myself this time.. haha! my diary!!!! yeap! i used to be able to bitch about stuff there, till i got rid of it.. and for the last few weeks, i kept to myself, while people might say i am the one to blame, i am not planning to refute their claims nor correct them.. i am man enough to take my part of the blame, and carry it, and walk with it. because why, i am that kind of man. and so i did my mistake and moved on, and i know, i wont make such mistakes again.. anyway, life returns, those times of me speding more time with me and studies, and i should say, i really can adpet to my old life.. really close friends talk to me rarely nowadays.. i guess they have to run their lives as well.. but i heard good news, and i am happy for them.. godbless.. and oh, i really want to work hard.. and i been putting effort in so many things, i know my groupies thinks im lazy or not as clever or as good as them, i used to care a lot of what people thought about me, but now, i just couldn't be bothered, i know my path of life isn't going to cross with anyone here after med school.. so, pretty much, i should prepare myself on my own, and make sure i live a good life, be more of person than i want to.. i guess my perspective changed a lot these last few months.. and not surprisingly enough, meiyi, have to really thank you again.. everytime, you do make a change in my life.. a better change.. i guess you really do inspire me much.. and i want to inspire you and put a lot of positive energy in you, to do great wonderful things.. and i know she is not having th ebest of times, and i know she is in the depths of her mind, figuring a way to get her life through this and to survive..it may look like i abondoned her.. but seriously, i think i know her so much, i know she needs her space to deal with it.. and i know she can do this, and she does know i am here, and i feel i should give her more positive vibes with it.. just to add a little bit of strength in her... and i will be waiting for her.. and will be waiting.. but seriously a lot difference with me this time, last time i used to be cranky when she dont reply and all, but this time i know she needs to be places where she needs to be, and i want to support her well through this.. and she will come home soon.. and i will be there with a big smile for her.. studies has been not really stable i guess, i am quite tired in classes and so all, and sometimes dont look really prepared.. i am really putting a lot effort in making my knowledge more complete.. my quiet life continuous i guess, and i continue to be the person i can be.. jeannie said really nice things about me.. she said she has respect to me...thats really the best compliment i ever heard from someone.. kinda pushes your confidence a lot. i want to be better than the best, i wanna push.. i want to show the world.. no.. to show myself.. that i can be whoever i want to be.. and i believe in myself.