~milestones~

i am sorry for being cold.. i know you meant well to bring the kueh batik or brownies thing for me.. and i realise you came from far.. but you do know it is wrong to bring for me such things.. it did taste good though.. but yeah.. i can't accept things from you.. not in this times.. i just don't feel good about it..

had a dream.. maybe not a nightmare.. but i guess yuo can call it a bad dream.. yeah.. it was the dream i know that one day i would be facing huh.. i dreamnt of you... you were with someone else, with that smile and you were happy.. how can i ask for you then.. i can't..why am i still hoping for you.. i really dont know at times what am i feeling.. i want to be your friend.. a dear friend.. but i always hope that i'll be more than that.. not as family like you say.. but more.. which is impossible like you always say.. i don't blame you.. i blame me.. its just me can't bottle up things well.. leakage.. and more leakage.. i can wait for you till then, but i doubt you will be waiting for me..haha..

i am happy for my close friend who patch up back with their loved ones... and then, completely forgetting of me.. again.. i guess i'm only good when someone needs me..haha.. ah well, i played this role far toooo many times.. and i still not used to it... sometimes, i just wish to come home and say a lame joke, or else.. i know you aree finally starting to feel happy, and i don't want to disturb you.. i understand.. though at times i do wish that i can have a friend.. i too wanna gossip and say lame cheesy lines... be happy friend.. i hope you don't find me, cause if you do, i know you are not well.. haha..

i learnt something from the dream.. after years of hoping, i finally reach the end, in which i did expect that is.. me being broken.. so asking myself.. is it worth it hoping still? i know it is.. but can you handle it when it happens?? i don't know..
i just be the person i know..

maybe i was wrong all this while.. my mentality. thinking that, no one should be alone when they do something.. that they should do things together.. i always had this idea.. that when your times come, and you need to go, you always want the most important people around you.. and my close friends and family are the most important people, and the bring the best of me.. and especially you too.. maybe this sort of thinking is wrong.. people come to this world by themselves.. naked and vulnarable.. and they should go out such way as well.. alone..

maybe i should just forget all this, and do things by myself.. there is no reason to share.. because its better to share the sugar and vinegar with yourself.. keep it to you.. save everybit of it.. so you have enough for a long time.. where do i go when i tell my success or asking an advice.. if not myself..

maybe that's why i want to climb the mountain by myself.. to prove a point.. that i was wrong all this while.. that i still can achieve a great milestone even with broken limbs.. sweats and tears and smiles all by myself.. maybe iw as being silly and obnoxious all this while.. or maybe i was right.. i don't know.. but i'm leaving myself to find out as i grow everyday..

and i'm not suicidal or emo-ing or whatsoever..

anyway, been wanting to keep a fish.. haha.. i do think it can survive i hope.. and i plan to call it.. alphy? hahaha.. maybe soon, when i pass a pet shop maybe..

i been raping the replay button of a few songs of murray gold.. it's like listening the orchestra when the empire attacks.... somewhat it makes me want the challenges to come so i can outsmart it..hahahah.. sounds cocky right.. but yeah... i haven't been feeling so much confidence. and charisma seems ooozing off me..well, then, i guess i need to show the problems and trouble, how to really make someone misrable by giving them a run for their money.. and no god.. i'm not challenging you, don't you thunderbolt me when i go out.. mati...


haha.. well, i think i'm gonna write a joke here.. mmmm..

but then again.. nahhhh.. i keep it for the future.. *giggles*.. hahaha. where do i come up with really lame jokes.. my hidden talentss.. one of the many...

not supposed to be writing but wth.. blame murray gold..hahaha.. *bobs head*..

though tomorrow, i know the teachers gonna meet me with the face of dissapointment.. i know i didn't work hard enough for it... today was a day supposedly. to have 25hours. but they didn't want to have the daylight saving time.. so remained 24.. oiii! medved, i could really used that extra hour you know.. garrh..

and i speak judoon now.. do go ro so fo go lo no.. understand?? hahhahahahaha!!!!!

and you are an ood! ugly, but you have the saddest voice....

if someone were to ask me, who is the perfect person to date,
the 1st question
empire or republic? choose wisely.. wrong answer i will NOT talk to you for lightyears.. or worse i will stab you with the lightsaber or force chokehold you..hahaha..

and then, a drummer is smexy, having a long hair is hot, smooth skin is a turn on, killer smile is must, perfect heigh and figure is a plus point, knows what i'm talking about(even my random words) is a definite yes, must be able to speak judoon..hahaha.. and of course, have "that" eyes.. i wonder if such person exist.. and what if she did, and she doesnt want to come 10 metres near of me.. and lets say if i met her.. what do i say, hello? hahahhahahahahaahha.. this is funnneeeeehhhhh..

and yes to daleks out there.. i am gonna be the doctor, do please try to fail me, but i am the doctorrrrrrrr.. and i'm coming to get you.. look at me oozing with confidence, doesn't that frighten you.. hahahahaha.. let's EXTERMINATE you lot..shall we?? hahahahah!!

and i think karen gillian is hot. and i do tweet a lot.. and i am a chocolate addict, and i'm on coffee baed diet... i'm going to start play badminton with a little more intensive.. unforgivingly flabby.. na-ah! ain't happening when i'm just 20..

i haven't wrote something like this since my diary..ahh... the good ol' times.. me and that book.. i wonder how many fishes read it.. hahahaha!
maybe i should write all of these in another place, where only me, myself and i can enjoy each line well, and the meaning behind.. by myself.. you know, its like being priveledged, knowing tha 6billion people in the world, roughly a billion with internet, and roughly 500million knowing english, and out of 500million, 20 million are active online most the time, and out of it just a couple hundreds knows you exist in this planet, and out of the that just around 25 or more knows this blog exist, and only 1 can read the next time i'm gonna write again.. doesn't that makes you helluva special? hahahahaha!

and this is gallifrey, and immagonnaflywithmyTARDIS!