failures

i have finally gotten something i hope i never get.. so yeah.. i guess.. good news no re-exam.. no need of it.. bad news is i dont have anything to give to my parents.. no honours or whatsoever.. i know people who wants to comfort me, will say, hey, its nothing.. but really it meant a lot to me.. i want something material to show my parents that all their sacrifices had not gone to waste.. i know they would say, you have jpa and all.. but who knows the truth? hahaha.. well just me.. so yeah.. i don't have anything to make them feel appreciated and joyful.. and yes you can lecture me that there are other ways.. and i know i do, but i really wanted his for them.. i felt it was the least i could do in respect.. and i failed it miserably.. funny thing when i walked home.. i really looked around.. really there is no 1.. not even family or friends.. nah..i'm just tooo complicated to be understood.. people take me for granted.. and that's because of my personality in the first place.. that i can't have any mood swings.. more like i'm not allowed too. sometimes i do wish to have someone to really let it out too.. but i think thats never happen.. i think the problem with me is i hope tooo much.. everything everytime i hope and hope.. and it builds so high.. that when it falls. i really am pathetic.. so yeah.. i know that this is my fault.. and i know that i didn't study well or hard enough.. and yeah.. maybe the teacher was right.. i'm not someone with potential as she though..i'm just everyone else.. will be forgotten so easily.. nah.. i don't have friends or family.. i just can't do it anymore.. screw all this. i can't even do the pandorica speech.. i wished i can for that actually.. i might just get a goldfish and just live with that.. no point hoping in things that dont happen.. right? but then again.. i can't change myself.. however i try that there is that part of me.. will retain.. and be myself... so what options do ihave besides putting my head low and walk.. i wish i was a dalek....but i'm just human.. not even time lordish.. i guess i only have myself.. and life goes on...