~fragile~

erm.. i think i have tooo much time around daydreaming.. and im NOT suicidal..

but the recent bombings made me think.. its my 2nd time, and 4th disaster in moscow that im aware off..

it got me thinking how fragile was life.. i mean, just imagine, im on my way back to moscow, with friends.. grabbing my luggage, and... KA-BOOOOOOOM... i drop down, bleeding, and slowly fading away.. and they say, when you about to die, you will see flashes of your life.. hmmmm.. what significant stuff i might flash.. my mother's smile? my 1st made friend? my success? seriously.. what i have achieved that i can call it significant? for the moment... i can't think any... so yeah.. another reason to live, to find a significant memory..

well.. lets say... i didnt drop.. but had minor injuries.. but beside me.. someone bleeding like a hose pipe... what should i do.. no no... wrong question.. what would i do? will i panic and leave him dying? or will i think something medical thingy, and try to help him out? or will i drop down to him, and help him say his prayers? wth?! but yeah.. what will i do? im not sure myself..

and let's say..i did fade away.. and some unknown russian dude.. just stared at me while i die.. wait.. thats gay.. erm.. some russian hot girl super pretty, stared at me while i met my maker.. will i be upset to that person? and blame her that she cant help me? and then haunt her bathroom? lols..

so lets say i did die.. and i met god.. and he ask me.. well mahes.. what have you done with your life? what on earth should i answer? should i say i was a good man.. or should i say, i was good, but errr..i had moments? or should i just say.. nah.. nothing much god, just the usual... haha.. and if god asked me what i have did so far? what should i say? that i have 1B for my upsr? but straight As for my pmr and spm? and i did represent my school for badminton and chess? i wasnt exactly a good brother.. and wasnt exactly a good son.. and im not exactly a good friend to many as well.. no finite answer.. so what did i do.. does all of that matter? did i do my human duty well? i ask god why so soon.. im still a virgin.. i havent made my 1st million.. i never made my 1st breakup, or relationship.. i never had a kid... and i never truly helped someone.. so what do i say.. or answer...

and okay.. lets just say i did die.. who is coming to my funeral.. my relatives? are you kidding? hahaha.. okay.. my parents and my sis will be sad.. friends? who would come.. will i be cremated or buried? who would miss me? who would shed a tear? well, naturally, on my funeral, some would cry.. but i mean, after sometime.. who would remember me?? did my existence just be erased like that.. that no 1 would remember a 'mahes' who lived in kluang... ah.. i guess hardly anyone.. partly because.. none is dependent or attached to me.. so even at death im alone.. hahaha.. like my grandpa likes to say, you come alone to this world, and you would go alone.. hahaha..

and that's said.. bottomline is.. i can't die young.. i have so much to do and so much to say.. at least when im like super old.. and i greet death like an old friend.. at least i have my resume filled up.. hahaha.. and hopefully god would be proud and said.. mahes, you lived well as a human can live.. haha.. at least i wouldnt have any regrets.. life is so fragile.. i bet i would pee in my pants, if the bomb exploded... hahahah.. but then again, i wanna make sure.. to those that i love and care... they know that i love them.. a lot..


and im not being emo. or suicidal or whatsover.. hahah. just a random thought at a random time on a random day.. while you stare at the rotating fan... hahaha!^^