~requiem~

well, as lame as it sounds. just now, i just read most of the blogs i published in my personal blog.. it has hit more than 120 post so far, never knew there were so many, and my god are they long... the way i wrote it down, was so naive-like, but then full of grammatical mistakes..ah well.. i can't really write creative stuff anyway.. though i wish i can write somethings that can impact people's lives.. haha..

well, i saw a few funny yet memorable posts there.. one of them is when i missed the train with my housemate.. well, the train was due to 8.30pm, and the taxi driver came late to pick us up.. well, we raced to butterworth as soon as possible, only to find the train leaving.. we got back into the taxi, and headed straight to bukit mertajam.. hahaha.. the adrenaline rush i felt that time.. was just.. speechless.. we were chasing the train, we could see it from afar.. and we reached the station, just on time and boarded it.. seriously, it felt like i was in a cowboy movie or some sort..

and also, the daily posts before i left to moscow.. well, i must say, i really felt im leaving everything behind.. i was scared i will be replaced.. replaced as a friend, as a student, as companion.. as a son.. well, all of those happened.. my best friend found a replacement for me, said that i'm demoted..... my teacher's found a new favorite student.. the people around a replacement of my jokes and laughter.. and last summer, i realized my mum replaced me.. it was an incident, where my mum ignored my goodnight wishes, and wished my dog goodnight instead.. she said, "at least p.x(my creature's name) never leaves me".. hahaha.. she was being a little upset, of me not being home most the time.. sorry eh mum.. dont mean it that way.. well, all of my fears became reality... but lesson to be learned, is that, every second in the present, is something i should relish it now.. because perhaps someday, i might lose it i guess..

another is, my 1st date, im not sure its date, but it was an outing with a girl.. ate dinner, watched movie, i walked her to her apartment.. well, the weird thing is the way i wrote it.. like so gooey gooey in love like that.. hahah.. jiwang giler.. haha.. 1 outing with a girl at bight and im talking about the stars.. wait til i get married i will be talking about the universe.. lols..

anyway, what i want to stress is that.. how much change happened to me.. well, i think i changed pretty much.. owh well.. 5 years from now, when i read this back, i wonder what i can think and say about myself. haha..

a lot doesnt really know, but, i have this weird habit of writing in a way such that im writing a letter to myself. but i write them in my diary.. well, i cant wait to go home and read my oldest diary.. i bet its full of stories much i tried to get away from my mother's punishment...and also.. the death of certain people..anyway.. yeah.. i wanna read again.. im hitting 20.. just maybe a quarter of my life in total.. how the future to turn out? that is my guess...

quote: 2nd october 2008, i said, "i want to strive the best, be 120% ready.. so much in the world to look out for"

hehe! thats the plan!^^