~Metal Claw~

Things hasn't been as good as i imagined it to be, and most of it is due to my own actions i can't really understand why i'm being this way, has the fire extinguished already? i certainly hope so not, but nevertheless, got to keep pushing myself, because the only person that can get the best out of me is ME, saying that perhaps i need to really sort out my thoughts, at times i wish i could get some counsel, but then again another conundrum pops out,who?

anyways, i did what i needed to do, so that i don't feel that i owe anything from the person anymore..and it feels free and untangibly awesome. but then, i certainly wish the person the best, i made peace with myself already, and everything is kept in a box in my head, a box that i won't have to open anymore.

sometimes, i do wish that i am at other people's shoes at some reason, it seems easier( and most probably it is not), but then again, who can get through this periods in life, if not me, in my own life. i'm the best i've got and i have to believe in myself more, because end of the day, hardly anyone besides my family would believe in me. so i have to make up all that space made by other and fill em' up with myself..=)

and i know i have been sinning a bit, and doing quite a bunch of wrong things lately, and funny thing is, i stopped reading the gita.. and i can see i'm getting messed up more and more as the days go by.. so yeah, i need to read and read again daily, it keeps me clear headed. and seriously, helps me. but i'm not sure why i'm so reluctant..but it has to stop and the only way is i to put my mind into it again. and i need to be better diciplined and be better.. perhaps its just periods of life you felt conviction wasn't just enough, and you back slided, and did the wrong things, and you woke up one day think what in the blue hell you were thinking, and then try to get everything sorted.. its better now than later so yeah.. am trying my best, and i'm taking care of my own back

time will come that people will depend on me, and i would depend on them. i don't feel that its a sign of weakness. friends and family and other sorts of relations are supposed to make you better and make everything easier and makes things complicated as well. i feel like i should learn how to live better with people around me, be humble with my abilities, and try to learn as much as i can and then teach as much as i can. i need to have the right attitude towards all the little things, help those who can't really adapt or catch up quick, encourage, i think thats the best way i can trade passion for glory

so yeah. pretty much i need to keep inspiring myself and hopefully inspire others or even better find someone that brings the best out of me. nevertheless, i'm happy the way its been.=))