~imaginary ark~

i havent been myself recently.. there been many thing going through my head...and i did break out of frustration at badminton... my groupmates were surprised... to see me.. in such way... they felt, weird and strange of no more laughter from me..

i dont seek attention.. i feel bad of my actions.. i hope i get my mind straighten out.. i need back my dear lady luck again.. i know why she is away.. i will do my best to fight the cravings away..

so please strengthen me.. i must do what i have to do.. i need to get a grip of myself.. a good pair of ears maybe is just what i need. no one in my contacts is who im able to contact and talk too..

im broken now.. and i know i will come back again.. stronger.. so till then.. i will rebuild myself.. i cant let emotions get better of me.. i cant let these cravings get better of me as well.. i will break this spell that im going through....and that for sure....

~naked dream~

i had just had the weirdest dream just now...... in which i came to a place where i'm very familiar and fond of..... yet blurry in the daze.... i met someone whose voice, i remember always.. someone, who was closest to my heart.. and someone who i opened my life to.. a advice was given... given to me in the tongue i 1st learned.. i still feel the warmth of the arms that embraced me....

loosely translated, it meant...

no one is afraid of height, but they are afraid of falling...none are afraid to compete or play, but they are afraid to lose... nobody is afraid of the dark, but , but afraid of what in it... no one also is afraid to say "i care for you", or "i love you", but they are afraid the response given back...

i used to hear this quote a long time ago... very very very long ago.. meant very much to me..

i know what must be done.. i know which way is clear now...

kanne adachu.. yellam nandanu aloikian.. ellam kashtum tirunathu oramei cheithathu.... variy kaanum.. verum.. keetum..

hakuna matata!! go forth and no turning back.. cause i know someone way up there is watching me.. ^^

~jivithum~

yengenai parriya arrile, atthiyum aitu na eruthene.. ithu annu yende bashe... yenuku arrile ye vera alkaru yenne ishtum illa.. holidays terunne apo, yende kuttali, ende group le.. dooram aitu poone.... yeh?.. yarikku ariyum.. avaru ellam valiya reunion dinner cheiyam poonu... yenne velechella.... ennuku onnum parriya saikila.... ithu ellam talaivithi..

ennuku tanne irrukian koreche kashtum.. pasche, ithu anne jivitham... yennengi pallu kadhichitu, kallutea ennikunum... chinese new year, valentine's day.... ii yerundu doosum, korache kashtum.. yelarum chirikinu, samsarikinu, pasche naa martrum tanne ivide, yende katil le.. irrikunu.... eleraumke plans onde.. naa matrum tanne ane..

yeh naa malayalthi eruthene, karnum, yarikum mansalaune... ithu yende basche ane.. ithu ane naane.. vera arum alle.. atthanu... enniku oru penne ne ishtum.. pasche avallu, yendete samsarikiniella.... avallude cherripum kannum, yeneka orubade ishtum.. athu anne naa avelne onnum pariyathu.. allangi, a cherripu poovum.. yeneke angenai veendam.. minthathe erunaa.. atthe annu sukham.. oru thosum verum.. yeneke oru alle verum.. apo.. naa tanne irukila.. aa thosum veram. naa wait-cheiyum...

yeneka veede orubade miss cheine... oonum cheiyam sakila.. padikinum.. naala bole verunum.. yeneke english le erudutham ithu.. karnam.. ithu yende manasu irrukunu kashtam anne.. oru thosum verum, yelam problem poovum.. yelamei povum.. apo yende taalai tuuka... a oru thosum veram.. naa sathiche irrukum.. yen jivithum naa aum.. ithu oru promise!^^...

damn lega writing this out.. my malayalam karat ad.. haven spoken much lately...^^